Allow me to introduce my better half.
No, I didn't get married over the All-Star break. But I did get smarter -- more mature, perhaps -- and ready to bring you the best second half of Fantasy Baseball analysis known to man, woman, child or beast.
That's right: confidence. I now pack it in bunches. No more need for silly gimmicks or over-the-top pleas for forgiveness in my column, not when I can present my opinions with such matter-of-factness and suffocating candor you're almost afraid to keep reading.
But you won't stop. You won't even know how.
It'll become like maltodextrin, this column -- you won't like the sound of it, but you'll always want more. And as others join your ranks, coming to feed from the plate of knowledge, the competitors will have no answer but to pull their covers over their heads and say "Mommy."
Let me put it another way:
My column
And now that you have it in terms you can understand, let's get this second half underway. Onward and, quite literally, upward.
Sliders These guys' recent performances signify more than a hot or cold streak. Their Fantasy appeal has actually "slid" either up or down.
Jorge Cantu, 3B, Marlins
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Jorge Cantu has produced consistently enough in '08 to think it will last.
(US Presswire)
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I've tried to write Cantu off as a fluke, a tease, an ordinary player posing as more, an apparition from three years ago, and the reincarnation of St. Francis of Assisi.
In the end, I overlooked the obvious: The man has simply become a mighty fine hitter.
Even in a pitcher's park, even after the Rays and Reds gave up on him, even after he slugged only .389 in May, he still finds himself on pace for a career-high 30 home runs, which might not mean anything if he launched half of his 18 in a span of two weeks, but he's distributed them so evenly over the first four months you have to think his pace will continue.
In fact, it's actually improved. Omitting that poor month of May, Cantu's slugging percentage has increased with every month, from .500 in April to .633 in July. If not for May, his season mark would stand at .541, ranking him just behind Fantasy heartthrob Josh Hamilton and just ahead of personal heartthrob Carlos Quentin.
So if you have Cantu in Fantasy, prepare to keep him for the long haul and think of him more as a must-start than a matchups type. Treat him as if he just came off that 28-homer 2005 and not the two dreadful years that followed in Tampa Bay and Cincinnati.
Troy Glaus, 3B, Cardinals
So many Fantasy owners gave up on Glaus at the end of May, when he had only three home runs and a .259 batting average. They thought maybe the foot injury that ruined his 2007 season also ruined his career.
Two months later, he has 18 home runs and a .284 batting average, putting him on pace to match his career high from 2000. And although he has the occasional rough stretch of four or five games, he has totally avoided the two- or three-week cold spells that often plagued him in the past (unless you count those first two months of the season, which you could easily dismiss as the by-products of rust).
Look at his strikeout-to-walk ratio if you need further evidence. Normally among the league leaders in strikeouts, he entered Monday with only nine more strikeouts (62) than walks (53). If he sees the ball that well, he should continue to hit well, making him the best version of Glaus we've seen yet.
No, he won't hit 40 home runs like he did in his younger days with the Angels, but he'll put up his best numbers across the board, finally becoming a complete player at age 31. Yes, that guy you drafted in the last round or two in March you can now confidently call a must-start.
Randy Winn, OF, Giants
Randy Winn never made any Fantasy owner weak in the knees. He never inspired complicated trade strategies, and nobody ever went into a draft labeling him a "must-have" with three or four asterisks on both sides of his name.
But while only once a member of the moderately prestigious 15-15 club, which probably has tougher restrictions on height than ability, he did come close a few other times. And that barely noticeable combination of power and speed made him borderline serviceable in Fantasy, particularly Rotisserie leagues.
But he did something this year to attract even more people's attention. He hit .342 in May with four home runs, five stolen bases and a .901 OPS. He looked on pace for one of his best seasons yet and became a quick add off the waiver wire.
Predictably, the good run ended, his batting average returning to its usual .280 range. His ownership didn't change correspondingly, though, even though his power numbers dipped so dramatically they now put him on pace for his fewest home runs since 2001.
If anyone chooses to own Winn now, they do so strictly for his 18 stolen bases. But even those put him on a career-high pace, and you can't expect him to set a career high at age 34 any more than you could expect him to hit .342 all season. If you can find someone desperate for steals, sell Winn while you still can.
Yadier Molina, C, Cardinals
For someone who plays the weakest position in Fantasy and has a .322 batting average since April, Molina sure hasn't gotten much attention.
But I can change that. I have that kind of ability.
You know how we talked about Dioner Navarro as a sleeper at the beginning of the season? Everyone caught on to him pretty quickly, making him owned in 82 percent of leagues. But if you look at Molina's numbers, they don't differ by much. He doesn't have quite the extra-base power of Navarro, but neither will finish with much more than 10 home runs.
And in a way, Molina looks even more impressive. He has only 15 strikeouts all season. Some people do that in a week. If he continues that pace, we might come to know him as the Placido Polanco of catchers, making a high batting average almost a certainty.
He deserves to start in more than 56 percent of Fantasy leagues. He might even rank in the top 10 at his position.
Paul Maholm, SP, Pirates
In his first six major-league starts way back in 2005, Maholm compiled a 2.19 ERA and 1.17 WHIP.
Three seasons later, he's finally gotten back to that standard, impressing in every way fellow Pirates starters Ian Snell and Tom Gorzelanny have disappointed.
He's worked six innings or more in his last 13 starts and has a 3.13 ERA over his last nine. And even though he gave up five runs in his last start, it came at Colorado and featured a broken-bat two-run home run by Chris Iannetta. Tell me exactly what Maholm did wrong.
Does he get many strikeouts? No, but his pace of 136 wouldn't embarrass anybody. Heck, Roy Halladay had about that many last season.
And yet Maholm finds himself owned in only 40 percent of leagues, maybe because his numbers got inflated in the first month and a half. Fine, ignore him if you want, but I plan to pick him up in all of my mixed leagues.
Hanging Sliders These guys look like Sliders, but not so fast! Their recent performances might cause you to misinterpret their Fantasy appeal.
Sean Gallagher, SP, Athletics
Gallagher has captured the imaginations of Fantasy owners, being the biggest name going to Oakland in the Rich Harden deal.
But he doesn't compare to Harden. In fact, he barely compares to Chad Gaudin, the other pitcher going to Chicago.
I have every bit of confidence in Athletics general manager Billy Beane and think he must see something he likes in Gallagher to make him a central figure in this deal, but the 22-year-old right-hander's first two starts in the American League didn't inspire much confidence.
Sure, he struck out 14 batters in 12 innings and posted only a 3.00 ERA, but he allowed 11 baserunners in his start against the Yankees, lasting only five innings. He can't pull that kind of Houdini act every time he takes the mound, and even if he does, the baserunners alone will kill you Fantasy.
And I don't base that opinion on only the one start. He had 10 in Chicago, most of them resembling the one against the Yankees -- too many baserunners, too few innings.
Don't get me wrong: Gallagher is worth a flier in AL-only leagues for sure. But you shouldn't even have him on your radar yet in mixed leagues.
Alexi Casilla, 2B, Twins
Casilla came up from the minors in mid-May and made a quick impression, hitting three quick homers and stealing three quick bases. He has only one of each since.
But even though his production consistently drops each week, his ownership consistently rises, nearing the 40 percent mark.
Yes, he keeps his batting average on the right side of .300, and batting leadoff for the Twins, that ability should lead to a good number of runs scored. But the Twins have demonstrated an unwillingness to run him, and he showed virtually no power in the minor leagues. He's at best Placido Polanco without the track record, meaning you shouldn't make him an integral part of your lineup in mixed leagues.
How many Polanco references can I make in one column?
Change-up Every week, I make terrible errors in judgment. It happens to us all, and if it didn't, Fantasy wouldn't be a game worth playing. Fortunately, I permit myself the opportunity to correct one of my mistakes by throwing a change-up.
Yunel Escobar, SS, Braves
Certain players can slug under .400 and still make a difference in Fantasy. They maybe steal bases like Willy Taveras or hit for an impressively high average like -- you guessed it -- Placido Polanco.
Escobar does neither, and yet Fantasy owners cling to him like he dispenses winning lottery tickets out from under his toenails.
He doesn't, by the way.
What he does is slug .383, making him like Ryan Theriot except Theriot steals bases and hits .329. So why does Theriot get 89 percent ownership in Fantasy when Escobar, before recent concerns over his hip and shoulder, gets 97 percent?
Talk about over-ownership. Escobar makes pre-rotation Joba Chamberlain look like Cody Ross.
You know you're a Fantasy geek if you understand that reference.
And even with those injury concerns, which have continued almost non-stop since mid-June, Escobar's ownership has only dropped to 85 percent. Shoot, Alex Rodriguez's dropped to 62 percent earlier in the year. People show more loyalty to Escobar than to the consensus No. 1 pick in Fantasy, really?
Chalk it up as unwarranted enthusiasm run amok. I don't know how it started, but I'll take it upon myself to stop it, putting to rest any remaining arguments you might have for owning him. Does Escobar qualify at three positions? Yes, but you can fill all three off waivers in most leagues if the need ever arises. Does he have upside? Yes, but most leagues play for the here and now, not the future. Besides, he turns 26 in November. How much more do you expect him to develop?
Please, just let him go. You have little more reason to hold on to him than you do Yuniesky Betancourt.
You can e-mail Scott your Fantasy Baseball questions to dmfantasybaseball@cbs.com. Be sure to put Attn: Sliders in the subject field. Please include your full name, hometown and state.We'll answer as many as we can.
